Does the hook-up culture surprise you?
It doesn’t surprise me.
As a culture, we prize independence and choice. This trend applies to everything: from how we decide what stuff to buy, to how we approach our relationships.
Case in point: one of the biggest trends in marriage today is, well, marriage not.
The University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project, has identified a growing group of “non-married adults cohabiting.” (The old term: shacking up.) Many don’t feel that the benefits of marriage are worth the price of commitment.
This trickles down into the young adult world, and feeds the hook-up culture.
Here’s what I think we should tell our kids about it:
God’s design for marriage isn’t about you getting what you want. It’s about giving. Committed and full life giving to one other person: emotionally, physically, fiscally, legally, socially. A whole bunch of -ally’s.
Through giving, we grow. We are changed. That’s the plan God has for our hearts.
There is really no other relationship like marriage.
And hooking-up is one of them.
In hooking-up, sex gets separated from full life commitment. This unbundles the design that God created for sex. Hooking-up really shouts: “What can I get out of you without having to completely give to you?”
Our kids need us to help them stop and pause over that one: “Is that what makes a good friend? A good spouse?”
There are lots of resources out there for how to introduce the topic of sex to kids of various ages. But this is a different and equally crucial conversation.
This conversation is about the Godly intertwining of love, sex, and commitment.
It should match what your kids can understand. Start low and go slow, is the old dictum in medicine.
But start! Now is better than never.
Start the conversation.
Question: Do you talk to your kids about the meaning of sex in love and marriage? About the hook up culture? What do you say?
Warmly,
Great message! I especially like how you pointed out that we grow and change through giving. I don’t think many people realize that. It’s for our benefit to give, especially in marriage.
I haven’t been posting on my marriage blog lately. If you are interested, I would love to share a few of your posts on my blog. Can you message me if you are interested in being a guest blogger? My email is authoramandabeth@gmail.com.
God bless:)
Amanda Beth,
You’re so right about that unexpected benefit of giving! Thanks for sharing that point.
And yes, I’d be happy to guest post – thank you for asking me, as I love your blog!
Ann
Awesome message. Such truth unveiled here. “Through giving, we grow. We are changed. That’s the plan God has for our hearts”. I am a divorced woman of God. I know so many divorced women of God that would really benefit from your message. I too would like you to be a guest on my blog during the month of February, if at all possible.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and sharing.
Joan,
Thanks for your kind words! It is wonderful that you know you are a divorced woman of God. I will get in touch with you over at your blog. Blessings!
Ann
I linked here from Amanda Beth’s site. I follow her blog and am a fan of her book.
I like your blog, and this post is terrific. We have 3 kids, all grown, with one getting married less than a month ago. And, yes, we talked to them about love, sex, waiting, giving and not just expecting to receive, etc. These messages are best when taught at home, reinforced at church, and reinforced again by the positive examples of other family members and friends.
Great post.
Warren
Thanks for this thoughtful reply and for sharing some of your family’s story as well!